In a drought, so to speak. It's dry, I'm making my way through the days, but I don't know where I'm going right now. Feeling disoriented with all the desert around.
This is what happens, I suppose, when things get busy. Busy...that little word that is almost dirty to some. People are too busy these days, we overextend ourselves, we miss out on the little things hurrying through life...that's what they're saying. And perhaps we're not so much busy as I am distracted. I'm distracted by all the paperwork, drudging through the paperwork to get something so small I would scarcely call it a business set up. It has consumed me for the past two weeks. I knew I was sinking in it, I knew I should just give it a rest, but I couldn't.
Confused by all the metaphors? Yeah, me too.
The drudging I'm doing is what is keeping me busy. Though I'm busy and drudging, I'm still able to find the joys in everything. The children and I are having a blast doing fun outings and playing together. We're silly and laughing and living up summer. They're still asleep after a big morning at the crowded zoo.
The drought I wrote of has more to do with this zing of life that seems to be missing. I'm not connected to the life source. "He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul." I need that. I need to be led, I need to let myself be led. I need those life giving waters, not this dry land around me. I need to feel my soul restored and alive! I don't want to feel busy and disoriented and dry. Even though I'm enjoying life and my family, I want a river with grass to enjoy it in, not just an oasis.
So I'm taking the next few days off from worrying about small business tax rules and getting a website up. I'm going on personal retreat. I'm going into prayer mode--a mode so fraught with vulnerability and the possibility of unwelcome revelation I've been avoiding it lately. Hopefully I'll have something better to write about when I return.
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