Peace

I've escaped for a few days to my mom and dad's house, or as my daughter likes to call it, "Abeea's house!". Papatoes, apparently, just lives here. He only owns "Papatoes truck!" Oh two year olds!

It was a restorative weekend. I had loads of time to be a little more quiet, a little more prayerful. Mainly in the here and there thoughts that drifted into intentions of gratitude and thanksgiving, requests and penitence which where then whispered and relinquished to our God who is all knowing...with the faith that He is merciful and all good. It was an everyday retreat. I gave up on worrying about the things I was worrying about.  And not just for the weekend, I gave that worry up. These little details of starting a "business" would take care of themselves, in time. In time, I'd figure it out. But for now, just peace. Peace in my family, joy in my family. 

My children are delightful. I don't think I'd be able to fully describe to anyone just how amazing they are. I don't mean that in a boastful way, but rather in an awe-filled way. It's in the small things. The inflection in my daughter's voice as she rambles through more complex sentences or coaxes her brother into some mischief with her. Or the way my son follows her lead and the two of them get up to something--thick as thieves. He gets these sparkly then squinty eyes when he's trying something different that cracks me up. Today he started babbling something at dinner that he obviously thought was hilarious. After each "sentence" he'd stop babbling and laugh at his incredible wit. The best was Sunday morning at Mass. I looked down right as Mass began to see K making the sign of the cross with her dolly's hands and J singing along to the music. That, my dears, was happiness.

So today we're here visiting Abeea and Papatoes. It's the feast of the Assumption of Mary. The day we Catholics (and others) celebrate the end of Mary's earthly life and the beginning of her life and reign in heaven. My mom came up with this lovely activity for the kids to do today in honor of Mary's feast day.

K's favorite color is purple, in case you couldn't tell.

Baby J gets in on it, too.

Peace!

Drudging through the desert

In a drought, so to speak. It's dry, I'm making my way through the days, but I don't know where I'm going right now. Feeling disoriented with all the desert around.

This is what happens, I suppose, when things get busy. Busy...that little word that is almost dirty to some. People are too busy these days, we overextend ourselves, we miss out on the little things hurrying through life...that's what they're saying. And perhaps we're not so much busy as I am distracted. I'm distracted by all the paperwork, drudging through the paperwork to get something so small I would scarcely call it a business set up. It has consumed me for the past two weeks. I knew I was sinking in it, I knew I should just give it a rest, but I couldn't.

Confused by all the metaphors? Yeah, me too.

The drudging I'm doing is what is keeping me busy. Though I'm busy and drudging, I'm still able to find the joys in everything. The children and I are having a blast doing fun outings and playing together. We're silly and laughing and living up summer. They're still asleep after a big morning at the crowded zoo.

The drought I wrote of has more to do with this zing of life that seems to be missing. I'm not connected to the life source. "He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul." I need that. I need to be led, I need to let myself be led. I need those life giving waters, not this dry land around me. I need to feel my soul restored and alive! I don't want to feel busy and disoriented and dry. Even though I'm enjoying life and my family, I want a river with grass to enjoy it in, not just an oasis.

So I'm taking the next few days off from worrying about small business tax rules and getting a website up.  I'm going on personal retreat. I'm going into prayer mode--a mode so fraught with vulnerability  and the possibility of unwelcome revelation I've been avoiding it lately.  Hopefully I'll have something better to write about when I return.