It was everything I could do not to lose my cool in front of my friend when trying to guide my little lady's rambunctious behavior into something a little more...calm. The normal paths of guidance weren't having an effect at all. I even threatened to put her straight to bed, and then acted on that threat, to no avail. So, I thought, I would just let it be. They're two, and excited, and this is different and new having to share your every toy and even your high chair to a smaller child. Since I'm sitting in a big seat I can stand! I can get down easily and play! I don't have to eat! I can run and scream and climb on the chairs and...
OK, so I did lose control of my little lady this evening. And all those reasons may not be an excuse to just let her run wild. I did try. And it didn't work. So for just this occasion, with all these new and different experiences, it was OK. And I had a blast.
What was surprising to me in all this, was that I didn't actually get frustrated with her. I got a little peeved that she wasn't heeding my instruction, but I wasn't the red-in-the-face frustrated as is the usual run of things. And if you've been reading my blog at all before this post you'll know it's something I've been struggling with the past few months. And, as an aside, I'm wondering--is this patience thing something all moms deal with or is it my own personal cross to bear?
My mom always says, "Don't lose sight of her joy! Don't let her lose her joy!" And I think this speaks to another bit of parenting advice that I have received along the way. That is when you start to get bogged down in all the many things toddlers do that are frustrating, against the rules, down right mean or messy, to take a step back and admire all the amazing aspects of the child God has created and given to you. This works in three ways for me.
First, it helps me to take stock of who my child is. What are his or her strengths, gifts, talents? What makes her happy? What brings out the best in her? It helps me learn who she is. By learning more about her I can love her better and help her learn more appropriate ways to express herself.
Second, it helps me put her behavior into perspective. Because I know she squeals loudly enough for the neighbor across the street to hear when she is excited, I can look more organically at her behavior. She's not squealing to make me mad. She's squealing because she is excited! Doesn't make the behavior OK, but it does help me to form a plan of action, to set new limits and show her different and equally fun ways of showing excitement. Like clapping or jumping or waving her hands. This is freeing for me as well. I don't have to keep saying, "Stop squealing!", or the ever ineffective, "Stop squealing or you're going to time out." Time out is over, nobody is happy, and she's still squealing two minutes later.
Third, it actually makes me appreciate and love her for who she is and what she can do. I love that she gets so excited about things. I love that she feels so happy she just can't keep it in any longer and has to let us all know, in no uncertain terms, that she is, in fact, that excited.
Is the squealing socially acceptable behavior? Probably not. Am I going to let her keep doing it? I'm hoping one of these techniques I'm coming up with works. But after taking a step back and looking at the situation with all of its many variable instead of getting bogged down in the action of squealing, I can better understand my daughter and the influences on her behavior. Knowing this helped my come up with a plan for next time. And now I get to implement it!
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